Monday, June 29, 2009

How do you like your eggs?

In the movie Runaway Bride, the reporter (Richard Gere) notices that the reluctant bride (Julia Roberts) eats her morning eggs cooked in the way her latest fiancĂ© prefers. His ultimate question to her is, “How do you like your eggs?”

Unfortunately, I think there are a lot of women who have no idea how they like their eggs. What is it about being in a relationship that causes us to forget who we are and what we want? If marriage is supposed to be a partnership, then why do we defer to our man when it comes to making choices?

I know a woman who, very much like a chameleon, has remade herself to match each of her three husbands. Okay, I’m assuming this with the first husband, because I really didn’t know her back then, but…

Husband number two liked car racing and cruises. Therefore, these became the focus of their leisure activities. When he became ill and required a transplant, she spent all of her available time in his hospital room. After his recovery, they became involved in activities promoting organ donation – spending time with the families they had met through the hospital.

About a year after his death, she met future husband number three. Forgetting all about organ donation, she began riding motorcycles, fishing, and working out at the gym – activities previously regarded as dangerous or boring. His family and friends became her new family and friends, superseding the relationship with her own family.

I wonder what she would choose to do with her life if she was responsible for making all of her own choices? Would she know how to make a choice, or would she be paralyzed by the options? Has she lost the very essence of who she is in the pursuit of making her man happy?

Do you find yourself making every choice based on someone else? Are you settling for less than your heart’s desire? Have you given up your dreams?

How do you like your eggs?

Photo credit: Ian Bretton, via

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Justice is Served

My uncle was a Baptist preacher and respected businessman. He has been married to my aunt for almost 40 years. They have three children and 5 grandchildren. On December 11, he was charged with molesting two of his grandsons. When questioned, he admitted to touching the boys "in a sexual way". He claimed that he did not know why he had done it, but it might have something to do with his numerous blood pressure medications.

He is a liar.

My uncle was touching children "in a sexual way" long before he could use blood pressure medication as an excuse. I learned about his "you touch mine and let me touch yours" game when I was 11. My sister was 7. Our mother, single and raising her two daughters with the help of her family, chose to refrain from making any public accusations. The following year, we moved out of state and the mess was quietly contained.

I have often wondered if my cousins were abused by their father. Were they also keeping "our little secret"? Thankfully, my cousins did not keep it a secret when their sons reported the abuse to them. They called the child advocacy center and the Sheriff's Department. They stopped the cycle of abuse.

Today, my uncle was sentenced to 13 years in prison.

Justice is served.